Box Office Beatdown - March 19th, 2012

After the dearth of positive reviews, order has been restored to the world once more as a film that scored 'fresh' on Rotten Tomatoes actually topped the Box Office. Further validating the ways of the Hollywood system, it was naturally a quasi-remake of a licence that had been relegated to a throwaway punchline in another Jonah Hill film. Sometimes life imitates art, and sometimes art imitates life. And then we are all just living in the simulacra.

The notion that an R rated comedy could make money was dismissed years ago when Judd Apatow started smashing all kinds of records, but lately the quality of these more extreme comedies have been hit or miss in terms of critical reception. Now I have been watching a lot of Mad Men lately in anticipation of the season premiere, and if there's one thing Don Draper taught me it's this: people are attracted to nostalgia.

So of course we all want to return to the world of high school as adults, and now we can live vicariously through Channing Tatum. Or Jonah Hill, if that's your cup of tea. He is an Oscar nominee after all.

Aside from the top three films this week (21 Jump Street, The Lorax, and John Carter) everyone else fought over the scraps. Sadly, even with a box office as fractured as the GOP race (count it, there's another easy GOP joke coming up!), new film from Mark and Jay Duplass, Jeff, Who Lives At Home, only brought in $840,000. But even the big guns ought to cling to whatever cash they make over these next few days because the behemoth is on it's way come Friday when The Hunger Games releases. Big or small, we will all be consumed.

Check below for a full list of the films that will be rendered irrelevant at the hand of Suzanne Collins.

Box Office Battle - August 5th

Today is a Friday. In fact, some may even call it a freaky Friday. Why? Probably because we have two major films releasing, one of which involves genetically mutated super animals and the other one stars the deadly duo of James Franco and Tom Felton. I seem to have mostly righted the ship - minus America's penchant for those damn Smurfs and the Katy Perry/Neil Patrick Harris combo - after a string of lackluster weeks, though my numbers and guesses could always use a bit more improvement. So today I am going to cross the streams, channel the super powered gas (that is totally legal and not a hallucinogen), and luck myself in to a couple of predictions that you can take to the bank. Or at least to your bookie. It should be noted that I take no responsibility for any actions you may or may not take as a result of this article. We're making some money this week baby! And so are movies, well at least one of them anyhow.

Box Office Battle - July 29th

I should probably reconsider the purpose of this column. In an attempt to show off my amazing knowledge to the world of my many reader(s), it seems I have been caught with my pants down facing the mirror. After last week's mess of a guess where I - and to be fair just about everyone else on the internet - underestimated just how much America loves movies about America...or captains of America as the case my be, I have had to grapple with the fact that I may be trying to gauge the country's cultural pulse with a scalpel rather than a stethoscope. Now with three major motion pictures muscling their way in to theaters I have put aside all misconceived medical metaphors to make my movie money estimates for the coming weekend.

Box Office Battle - July 22nd

Just as I have been recovering from my trip to this year's Pitchfork Music Festival, I have also had to come to terms with the fact that my early predictions for last week's box office results were disastrously off base. Well, at least my prediction for exactly how much Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part Two was going to make, because I was actually pretty much spot on in my prediction of how much Disney's latest offering, Winnie the Pooh, would take in on the weekend. So with yet another week and yet another potential blockbuster releasing it's about time that I really start to buckle down and get things right this time. So pull on that helmet, pick up that, shield, and wave that damn flag because I'm dedicating this week's incredible round of predictions to the glorious nation of Patriotstonia! For the CGI!

Box Office Battle - July 15th

As I mentioned in last week's post, where I almost completely nailed the opening numbers for Horrible Bosses, by the way, I am going to be going to Chicago from July 14th through July 18th for this year's Pitchfork Music Festival, which means that Processed Grass is going to be contentless for the next few days. Also as a result of this trip, my weekly box office prognostication column is coming a couple of days earlier than it would normally be posted. And this week is a big one with two beloved franchises going head to head for all the affections of children and adults the nation over. Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part Two attempts to conclude the long running franchise with a thrilling, emotionally satisfying conclusion, while Disney's Winnie the Pooh brings back a much older literary figure for a completely new adventure that targets the heartstrings of all the people who have ever been familiar with the honey loving stuffed animal. So is the marketplace going to be split, or does one have the sheer strength to out power the other?

Box Office Battle - July 8th

One of the things that I have recently started loving about movies, thanks in no small part to a wonderfully fun game that I always seem to come in second place at over at the Filmspotting Forums, is keeping track of the box office. I know I tend to specialize in review here, but there's something thrilling about prognosticating about what Mrs. and Mr. Jane Q. Public will potentially be seeing this weekend, and exactly how much money each big new movie is going to make. So why not share my guesses with more than just my Filmspotting Circle (Google Plus trademark pending)? So how might this weekend's box office shake out? Well, let's do some projecting!